I have atleast a Mother, if none else.
August 23, 1918
Another day I had been to the Holy Mother's place when a Monk came and prostrated before her.
Monk: Mother, why does the mind become so restless every now and then? Why can't I constantly meditate on you? Many worthless thoughts disturb my mind. Useless things we can easily obtain if we simply want them. Shall I never realize the Lord? Mother, please tell me how can I attain peace. Nowadays I seldom have visions. What is the use of this life if I cannot realize him? It is better to die than to lead such a worthless life.
Mother: What are you talking of, my child? Do not even think of such things. Can one have the vision of God everyday? Sri Ramakrishna used to say, "Does an angler catch a big carp every day the moment he sits with his rod? Arranging everything about him, he sits with the rod and concentrates. Once in a while a big carp swallows the hook. Many a time he is dissapointed. Don't relax the practices for that reason. Do more japa [repetition of the name of God]".
Yogin-Ma: Yes, that is true. The name is identical with Brahman. Even if the mind is not concentrated at the outset, you will suceed ultimately.
Monk: Please tell me, Mother, how many times I should repeat the name. That may help me to get concentration.
Mother: Ten thousans times, or even twenty thousand times, or as many times as you can.
Monk: One day, Mother, I was kneeling in the shrine and weeping when I suddenly saw you standing by my side. You said to me, "What do you want?" "I want you grace, Mother," I replied, "as you bestowed it on King Suratha." Then I added, "No, Mother, that was done by you as Durga. I do not care for that form. I want to see you as you are at present." With a smile you disappeared. My mind became all the more restless. Now nothing satisfies me. Often I think, "if I cannot realize her, then what is the use of this life?"
Mother: Why are you so restless, my child? why don't you stick to what you have received? Always remember, "I have atleast a Mother, if none else." Do you remember those words of Sri Ramakrishna? He said he would reveal himself to all who take shelter under him - reveal himself at least on their last day. He will draw all unto him.
Monk: I have been staying with a householder who is a great devotee. His wife comes from a very aristocratic family. She spends much money for me.
Mother: Ask her not to spend much money for you. The money of the devoted householders is for the benefit of the monks. Their money enables the monks to stay at a place for four months together during the rainy season. It is very inconvenient for them to go out [at that time] for begging.
The monk prostrated himself before the Mother and left the room.
- Conversations from the Diary of a Disciple, Sarajubala Devi